I made a list today of all the things bugging me. I'm not normally one to skirt near depression, I'm the one who picks up others by their bookstraps, kicks them in the rear and we smile again. No, I'm not the happy-go-lucky fairy but I do lean towards a happier demeanor. This has been a strange year for me. I think last year all I did was homeschool and art. Everything else fell by the wayside. I was busy but happy. Yes, my housework suffered but we lived. However, this year homeschool had to take the forerunner position. First year of high school for dd and we had to be organized (plus don't forget the 3rd grader who needed more structure.) Oh sure, I've fit in some artwork here and there, projects, challenges and gifts. But my bouts of marathon 'arting' trying new things, working from dawn til dusk have been a thing of the past. I think I'm suffering because of it. Or it's at least part of my blahhhness. I feel out of wack. Unsettled. Old. I can't stand the noise around here anymore, I long for nights of quiet time, vacations by myself. When I try to do art, I suck at it. I feel like I've lost that vortex of creativity I was working so hard towards. I know there are seasons in life. Maybe this is my season of non-art. But it sucks. And I can feel it sucking the life out of me.
I don't update my etsy, I don't update my blog or myspace. I haven't uploaded to Flickr in weeks. I haven't visited or commented on any of my RSS feed of blogs in forever. My family is suffering through my crankiness, they call me crabby. I have no urge to do a single thing. I walk into a room intent on cleaning it and walk right out. Same with the artroom. I walk in here to create, take one look at the mess and disorganization, no place for everything and I walk out. I'm trying to fill my blahhness with new magazines, hoping they will inspire some spark of get-up-and-go but so far, nothing. I'm serious. I feel like running away from home but then I'll just end up coming back to it all. I feel like I'm letting my family and myself down and I don't know where to go from here. I guess UP would be a start. lol
Does anyone ever feel this way? How do you work your way out of it?
P.S. This isn't normally what I share on my blog but its mostly the reason WHY I haven't been sharing anything anywhere, so I decided to post. I guess I'm just normal. Everyone has bad days, weeks, months, years.
Maybe painting will help. I'm off to do just that...