Monday, May 12, 2008

rant

I made a list today of all the things bugging me. I'm not normally one to skirt near depression, I'm the one who picks up others by their bookstraps, kicks them in the rear and we smile again. No, I'm not the happy-go-lucky fairy but I do lean towards a happier demeanor. This has been a strange year for me. I think last year all I did was homeschool and art. Everything else fell by the wayside. I was busy but happy. Yes, my housework suffered but we lived. However, this year homeschool had to take the forerunner position. First year of high school for dd and we had to be organized (plus don't forget the 3rd grader who needed more structure.) Oh sure, I've fit in some artwork here and there, projects, challenges and gifts. But my bouts of marathon 'arting' trying new things, working from dawn til dusk have been a thing of the past. I think I'm suffering because of it. Or it's at least part of my blahhhness. I feel out of wack. Unsettled. Old. I can't stand the noise around here anymore, I long for nights of quiet time, vacations by myself. When I try to do art, I suck at it. I feel like I've lost that vortex of creativity I was working so hard towards. I know there are seasons in life. Maybe this is my season of non-art. But it sucks. And I can feel it sucking the life out of me.

I don't update my etsy, I don't update my blog or myspace. I haven't uploaded to Flickr in weeks. I haven't visited or commented on any of my RSS feed of blogs in forever. My family is suffering through my crankiness, they call me crabby. I have no urge to do a single thing. I walk into a room intent on cleaning it and walk right out. Same with the artroom. I walk in here to create, take one look at the mess and disorganization, no place for everything and I walk out. I'm trying to fill my blahhness with new magazines, hoping they will inspire some spark of get-up-and-go but so far, nothing. I'm serious. I feel like running away from home but then I'll just end up coming back to it all. I feel like I'm letting my family and myself down and I don't know where to go from here. I guess UP would be a start. lol

Does anyone ever feel this way? How do you work your way out of it?

P.S. This isn't normally what I share on my blog but its mostly the reason WHY I haven't been sharing anything anywhere, so I decided to post. I guess I'm just normal. Everyone has bad days, weeks, months, years.

Maybe painting will help. I'm off to do just that...

8 comments:

Rhonda L said...

This is why you should come to the midnight movies with us. Time to play!!!!! Or come to stamp club and make something kinda cool, kinda cute, kinda green and kinda shiny!!!!! I challenge you to make me something pink and cute with lace & glitter.

LostLuggage said...

When this happens to me, I like to exercise- a lot. Seems to get me rejuvinated. I hope you can come out of it soon...miss your art!

Kathy Cano-Murillo, The Crafty Chica said...

this is normal, just relax and wait until it passes. we can't be on 24/7, we are not machines. you are a highly creative person, and it is your spirit telling your physical side to hold up and wait for something new to strike you with inspiration. i go thru this several times a year. use the time to do other things you've always wanted to do. just when you think you've moved on and forgotten and can go without - boom - the inspiration thunderbolt will hit and you will be taken to a new level! have faith, have fun!!! peace, love and glitter,
kathy :-)

e. beck said...

some of that sounds like real depression and you need to take care of yourself... not sure how ... but you do ....

here's my tip .... sometimes when my studio is horrid and i am overwhelmed by it, and i just can't get myself to clean it OR do art in the mess ... i get a laundry basket ...or two or three ... and fill them up with the piles that are in my way ..... i clear everything that is in the wrong spot ... and wah-la .... clean space ...the only mess is the three laundry baskets under the table ... then do some art ... then bit by bit empty basket detritus and put it in the right space ..... it's kind of a fake way of cleaning up enough to be able to some work ....

i've also been known to clean my desk, the playroom, the family room like this .... don't ever put the phone in the basket ..... once it loses its charge, you'll never find it!

...oh .. i actually do know how to spell voila!

be well ... do something nice for yourself .....

Kersten said...

Kris - I love the picture you posted. This is exactly how I feel as I near the end of a school year. Girl - you need to get out, bring art supplies, create something small (or big), take long walks, light some candles, keep enjoying your kiddos, look ahead to summer...You'll move out of this slump. Hang in there.

ricracsally said...

I'm with e. beck. It's the same for me--I want to do something creative and constructive, but I get so overwhelmed by all of the unfinished stuff that I can't focus on anything at all. And I also buy magazines, thinking that the eye candy will do it to me ... and it usually makes me happy for about 10 seconds and then I move on. I think it's the "stuff." Too much stuff can have an effect on your mental well-being. Take beck's advice and just shove it out of the way. Once you clear a physical space, you can clear a mental space :)
I see from the following post that you're starting to see the sun again. Yay you!
Tiffani

Heather Stanworth said...

Boy can I relate! Yes I have had times like this as well. I think we sometimes expect too much from ourselves and it puts us under. You may just need a break. Give yourself permission to take it. Reorganize your supplies. And get yourself outside! Take a walk by yourself. Little things can make the biggest difference.

Hope you are feeling better soon. (((HUGS)))

Angela Harris said...

I do go through this once a month since my last daughter was born. Taking on too much too fast. Getting overstimulated. The pressure of so mnay people needing you to be "Supermom, Supaerwife, Businesswoman, Artist, Housemaid and in your case teacher. What I have to do is meditate. Be alone in my mind. Somehow realize that the things that seem so Huge are really quite small. I often reach out after my meditation and ask my loved ones or even distant friends for small favors and after everyone or anyone has helped in their small way. It adds up and the task isn't so big. I know you'll be better soon because you have faith and family.